I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
