her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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