people are starting to question the shark bite story
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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