Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
