If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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