butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Your dad touched me again.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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