he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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