She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
