no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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