i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
