i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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