There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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