i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
