32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She told me I should be a condom model.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
