i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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