I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
