I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
