Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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