her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize