If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i would punch a child for taco bell
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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