I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i came on her dog
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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