I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
