In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
