Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize