I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
