so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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