Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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