I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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