just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize