Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
