On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
