Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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