After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
