Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
