i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
