The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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