I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
