So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
