Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
