Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
