hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
