he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's never too late to be topless.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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