Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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