I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
