saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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