yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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