whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
