i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
