Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
