Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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