you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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