I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
