He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
