what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
