and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize