i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
