I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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