"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize