So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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