At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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