Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
