The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize