okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
