Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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