Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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