Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
