party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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