HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
