Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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