when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want her autograph on my taint
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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